independence day

 

the fourth of july is one of my favorite holidays. maybe it's because i lived in a foreign country for several years. maybe i'm just especially patriotic. regardless, i love today.

i was going to post a fourth of july craft, a fourth of july dessert, any number of fourth of july fun ideas. those, however, will have to wait until next year. instead, i'm declaring today a personal independence day. this will be my mommy manifesto, if you will. maybe it will catch on.

today i'm declaring my freedom from the following:

1) the bondage of perfection. don't get me wrong. i love pinterest. i love every beautiful, crafty idea that it holds. it is amazing. however, somewhere along my pinterest pursuit, i've looked at all those things and somehow felt less than adequate if i couldn't somehow fit all that loveliness into my daily life while keeping up my house, raising good kids, and just maintaining my own sanity. somewhere along the line, we've moved the line of what is considered successful and have set the bar for ourselves immeasurably high. i am hereby lowering the bar. sometimes good enough is just that...good enough.

2) self doubt. i am a good mother. i am not perfect (see #1 above) but i am still good at raising my kids. the days when i lose it, when i want to run away and hide, the moments when my kids are on my last nerve and i say something i should not, when we have hot dogs for dinner three nights in a row, all of those moments do not diminish my success as a mother. this thing called motherhood is tricky and i'm doing the best that i can. it may not be today, but someday, my kids will see and understand that. i will trust that i am good at being a mom.

3) a negative body image. i have had five kids, for crying out loud. for some reason, when i look in them mirror, i expect to see my 20-something-self, never-had-a-baby-body staring back at me. i'm going to give my 30 something self a break. the fact that i can fit into any pants at all after having five kids is nothing short of miraculous. that doesn't mean that i don't want to be healthy or that i'm willing to just blow up like a tick as i get older. it just means that if i have wrinkles, if my skin sags in places it shouldn't, if gravity has done some damage that can't be repaired, i'm going to move on. it's not worth feeling bad about myself all the time. i'm going to be okay with what i look like.

4) comparing myself to others. somewhere along the line, we all do it. we compare our mothering, our kids, our lives with other people. it is exhausting and we will always find someone who is doing something better than we are. what is it in our make up that somehow makes us feel better by showing how successful we are next to someone else' failures? what makes us feel so horrible when we line up our own shortcomings next to someone else' success? why can't we just stop and learn to be comfortable in who we are, both good and bad? comparisons make me crazy. i'm choosing to be sane.

5) discontentment. life is messy. things get hard. there is always something more to do, pennies that need to be pinched, kids that need to be disciplined, relationships that don't get the priority they deserve. life is not perfect (again, see #1). i'm going to determine to make the best of it anyway. when things are really horrible, i'm sure i can imagine something worse. when the end of the year comes, i know i'll look back and remember the good. so, why not find contentment in the midst of the mess? i'm not saying this is going to be easy for me, i'm just saying i'm going to try my best. i don't want to miss a chance for happiness in the everyday. i'm going to strive for contentment.

6) ungratefulness. i sometimes wonder if my own children's lack of gratitude comes somewhere from the example i've set for them. i am so quick to complain when things aren't perfect, when there's a traffic jam, when the grocery store doesn't have an item i need, when my cell phone drops a call. it's no wonder my kids are quick to jump on that bandwagon. how did the universe come to owe us so much? i'm going to remember to look around in awe as i walk into a fully stocked grocery store. i'm going to look at my refrigerator and be thankful that today is another day that i won't go hungry. we are such a privileged people...sometimes too much so. we are quick to forget how good we have it. i'm going to choose to remember.

there you have it. the six areas where i'm declaring my own independence. what about you? perhaps i should take signatures like our own mommy declaration of independence. perhaps you'd like to add something to the manifesto. feel free.

open mouth, insert foot

i have two amazing mommy friends with one horrible thing in common. they repeatedly get asked when their baby is due. this by itself isn't awful if you are, in fact, pregnant. i'm sure you're seeing where i'm headed with this one. these friends of mine, while they have beautiful babies, aren't having anymore.

i've heard people complain about how awful they feel because they have asked someone when they are due only to be told in a curt fashion that the woman isn't pregnant. i'm sorry. you're complaining because you feel bad? think about how you just made that other woman feel.

when my girlfriend first told me what was repeatedly happening to her, my only response was, "well, those people are idiots." i know, those are harsh words...words my kids would get in big trouble for saying. still, i'm standing by them.

i get the confusion. some people still hold onto post baby weight and sometimes that weight is carried in their belly. still, if we can all walk away from this post with a lesson in our pockets this is it: if we are going to ask someone when they are due, we'd better be 100% sure that person is pregnant.

here's how you can know for sure:

1. the person knows you well enough that they have told you they are pregnant. if you have a
friendship with someone and you know the facts, by all means, be a good friend and show your interest.

2. the woman is so hugely pregnant that there is no mistaking. when i'm talking huge, i'm talking third trimester, waddling around like a penguin, wearing flip-flops in december, puffy face, walking like there's a baseball between her legs kind of huge. if the woman isn't so big that she looks like her water could break on the floor of target while she's shopping, don't ask her when she's due.

this might sound extreme but, really, is this a mistake we want to make with other women? isn't being a mommy and giving up your "never had a baby body" hard enough without having to endure devastating comments? when in doubt, chicken out. it works for driving and for opening big mouths as well.

never-had-a-baby-body

i've decided we need a new word in the english language, or every language for that matter..."never-had-a-baby-body." it's one word, a noun, a pronoun and an adjective and has to be written and said as one word. as soon as you say it, you have a vision in your mind. am i right? you know what i am talking about, bodies that resemble a thirteen year old boy more than a mommy. anyone?

i thought of the word when one of my husband's co-workers showed up at my house to drive with my man out to a town about four hours away to do some interviews. this female co-worker showed up at my house, freshly showered in a trim little outfit and her never-had-a-baby-body (noun), ready to spend the day with my hubby. what made it worse was that my youngest was just a couple of months old, i was still nursing, holding onto pregnancy weight, hadn't showered and was sporting a maternity top because it was the only thing clean. anyone getting the picture? never-had-a-baby-body (pronoun) and my man left for the day and i decided it might be time to wash my hair for his big return that evening.

then, a few weeks ago, i came across a picture of myself on my honeymoon. i couldn't help but wonder, "who's the hot chick in a bikini with my husband?" then i discovered it was just my never-had-a-baby-body (noun) and while it was smokin' back then, it didn't take any work to look like that so i don't have much respect for my former hot self.

now, when i see a mommy with an amazing body, i have the utmost admiration for her ability to force her body into submission to resemble a piece of it's former self. without an in-home chef, a mean personal trainer and a few extra doses of will power, i'll never resemble my never-had-a-baby-body (adjective) self. i'm okay with that. when it comes down to it, i have four kids that i wouldn't trade for my never-had-a-baby-body (adjective) self and an amazing husband that likes the me the way i am. i'll take that over a never-had-a-baby-body (noun) any day.