eleven years

today is the first day of preschool for my two year old. yes, you read that right, my two year old is heading to school twice a week. if sending your little one off to school is not your thing, that is fine. i get it. but i'm still sending mine off. no judgement.

this day also marks the first time in eleven years that i will have a morning to myself. e - l - e - v - e - n years. eleven years of chasing toddlers, changing diapers, dragging unhappy kids through target, planning playdates, avoiding kid-unfriendly environments. eleven years of planning my days around nap times and hungry times. eleven years of carrying a diaper and wipes with me everywhere i go. eleven years. 

when i decided to be a stay-at-home mom with my first born, i really didn't know what i was signing up for. i never dreamed we would have five kids. sometimes it's a good thing that we can't see the future. eleven years is a big pill to swallow when you take it all at once. thankfully i only had to handle one day at a time and i made it. i made it through eleven years. 

now for the first time in my mommy life, i will have two mornings to myself. i have had so many people make comments to me regarding this time that i feel like some blanket responses may be in order. these may sound hostile or snippy but that is not my intent. it is merely the truth for me. take it or leave it.

what those mornings are not:

• they are not a long amount of time. by the time i allow for drop off and pick up, we are talking about three hours twice a week. i totally appreciate the break and how nice those six hours will be but, come on, its not like i've just been handed a lifetime trip to the bahamas. it's six hours, people. let's keep it in perspective. i'm hoping to get to use the bathroom without someone asking me if i need help wiping. 
• they are not a reason to look for an added job. no, i'm not going to go find another workplace. no, i will not be itching to re-enter the 9-5 corporate workforce. i work plenty. besides the mommy gig, i already have enough jobs. maybe, just maybe i'll be able to write a blog post without someone pulling on my leg or climbing on my lap while striking random keys on the computer. i think i work plenty. these six hours can count for the 11 years of lunch breaks that i never took.
• they are not anything that requires a report...to anyone. i have had so many people ask me what i am going to do with all my free time. all six hours of it? i have no idea. seriously, i've waited eleven years to have some time to myself. I don't know what i'm going to do for those hours. maybe i'll read a book. maybe i'll take a shower. frankly, i may sit in my pajamas and stare at the wall in silence. i may go back to sleep. i may watch reality tv. i may go exercise. i may go to the grocery store alone. who knows? i've waited eleven years to get to pick my own activities based on what i want to do, on my own schedule, on my own time, for six hours a week. the fact is that i really don't owe anyone an explanation of how i spend that precious time. i think i may have earned the right to decide without question.
• they are not something i will feel guilty about. i have worked my butt off for eleven years. i will still be working my butt off for another 16 years...at least. the fact that i will have six hours a week to myself does not mean that i will be working any less than i was before. it does mean, however, that for the first time in over a decade, i will get a little break. i will get to remember what it is like to think about myself on occasion. i will get to remember what things i love to do, and actually get a chance to do them. i will have a chance to rediscover what makes me happy, and what makes me thrive. don't get me wrong. i adore my kids, but so much of my life involves serving other people that i often take a back seat. it is a privilege to be the mom of five great kids but i am not going to feel guilty about having a few brief hours each week to take care of me. it is, quite frankly, about time.
• they are not a chance for me to do what you want me to do. i have had people tell me, "well, once school starts you can volunteer in the classroom." or "once school starts you'll have plenty of time to get to that email response i've been waiting for." no. just...no. i have not been waiting for eleven years to spend my time doing something extra for someone else. i have not been waiting eleven years to fill up those few hours with more activities to serve others. until i get adjusted to my new normal and have plenty of time to enjoy some quality "me" time, my answer is just going to be "no." without guilt, absolutely not.
• they are not a time to work feverishly on chores. don't get me wrong. i will get things done. it may just have to wait, however, for a few weeks to pass by before i sacrifice some of my time to clean house. let's face it...house cleaning can be done while the kids are home. showering alone and shaving both legs on the same day...not so much. i plan on relishing every moment without children home to do everything i have not been able to do for eleven years. once i'm tired of partying alone, i may decide to clean a bathroom. we shall see. i wouldn't expect that to happen for a while. 

what those mornings are:

• mine. that's it. they are mine. there are very few things in my life that belong solely to me. my home is shared with six other wonderful people. my time is stretched to the breaking point to try to meet the needs of five kids and a husband. our money is spent meeting the needs of others. my bed is shared with my husband and (let's be real) with kids who sneak in to cuddle or watch tv. my life is full of people and i wouldn't have it any other way. i love my kids and my husband. i love my life. still, it has not been without sacrifice. love involves sacrifice. it doesn't work without it. still, when it comes down to it, i could use a break. i thrive during alone time. i get recharged. i love having a moment when, instead of thinking of the needs of others, i get to ask myself, "what would you like to do?" as mothers, how often does that really happen? it's a rare thing indeed. so i am going to relish my six hours a week. i'm going to squander that time and enjoy every spare moment of it. i'm going to enjoy spending moments with just me. maybe i'm selfish. maybe i'm wise. regardless, the choices for those six hours are mine. i'm going to enjoy some solitude...and i'm going to be a better friend, wife and mommy for it. 

cheers to the first day of school

then there were two...

this week marks the first day of school for countless families. my own oldest three marched off on wednesday for their first days of fifth, second and first grades. as my husband returned from dropping them off, i'm pretty sure the dance party music could have been heard from several houses away. if i had been more prepared, mimosas might have been served all around. i think i am missing the nostalgic mommy gene. 

don't get me wrong. on the first day of kindergarten for each of my three kids, i welled up with tears. my heart ached that one chapter of our lives was over. now though, it is still over and onward we march. i still get sad. i can look through old photo albums and my whole being misses the way my babies used to be. i remember their sweetness and their cuddles and their sweet cherub faces that have morphed into something else. i miss those moments when my babies were small.

even my oldest three were little once...

my current reality, however, is that they are no longer babies and that summer is LONG. i love all my kids and i am happy to have five of them but summer is exhausting. my ears are constantly listening for five little bodies. i cook and clean up meals for seven three times a day all summer long (more if there are friends over to play or guests in the house). conflict is inevitable and, let's face it, after about the first six weeks, the kids are pretty tired of each other. i feel like a summertime mix between a referee, a long term party planner, and a very under appreciated maid. 

add to that fact that i feel like i really have two separate families. i have an older family with three kids. they love to ride bikes, have friends over, play video games, and fill days with activity. my other family is made up of a three year old and a one year old. they take naps, like mickey mouse, play with blocks and play-doh and still need help wiping their bottoms. when you mix the two pieces of my family together, some group is always sacrificing and i am stretched to somehow meet the needs of two groups of little people in very different places. 

all of that to say that i am one mommy who is happy to have my kids back in school. i miss when they were babies but i know that in reality, they are growing up we all can use a break from each other. for a few hours each day i am back to being a mommy of two. we cuddle and watch mickey mouse, we have stayed in pajamas much longer than normal and we have shared one-on-two time instead of one-on-five time. those moments of baby time are precious and, as the older kids go off school, i know how fleeting they are. 

so, for now, the dance party music is still playing. i have successfully made it through another summer. i have raised three great kids who are embarking on another year of elementary school. i am enjoying the return of a routine. the very best part of back to school? i have two little boys who are dancing it up with me...thrilled to be the two remaining kiddos reigning the roost. their sippy cups are full of leftover juice from my mimosas and our glasses are clinking together. cheers to all my babies, big and small.

cheers!

first day of school traditions

today is the first day of school here in my little southern town. moms everywhere are filled with a mix of sadness and elation. we're not sure whether to cry because they are growing up so fast or throw a party because we actually survived the summer and will at some point possibly have five minutes to ourselves. first days are a huge deal no matter the grade level your children are entering. here are some ideas from mommy friends of mine as well as some i've used for my own kids. with my second starting kindergarten today, i'm pulling out all the stops.

• make their lunch something special. use cookie cutters to cut their sandwich into a special shape. put in a special 1st day dessert treat. most importantly, write something special on their napkin. a little note from mommy or daddy will mean the world to your child when they are away at school all day.
• if you have a kindergartener or a child with a bit of anxiety when leaving for the first day, cut out some paper hearts and put them into a secret pocket of their backpack. my daughter knows that if she needs an extra hug or a kiss during the day, her backpack holds several of each for her any time she needs them.
• try taking a dry run of the getting ready and going to school process the day before school starts. get the kids up early, get them dressed an out the door, even make the trip to the school car line. this will give your kids a little extra confidence on the first day. after the dry run, go out to a fun "last day of summer" family breakfast.
• get up with your kids and have breakfast together before they head out the door. remind them of who they are and how much you love them. we pray with out kids before they head out to school. investing a little bit into their self-esteem and into them as people can only help them as they have to spend a day with their peers.
• if it's possible, take them to school that first day. they may be fourth graders but they are still little. moms and dads are still important and taking the time to get them to school safely that first day translates into an extra bit of love...even for a 9 year old boy.
• stick an extra little something in their backpack for the first day. this could be as simple as a cute pencil for your little girl or boy or a new book for reading time. something small lets them know you are thinking of them, even in the middle of a crazy first day.
• let your kids pick out a special dinner for the night of their first day. a special dinner will let them continue the momentum of the day and it will also give the family a chance to hear all about how much fun the kids had at school.
• most of all, take lots of pictures. pose with your children before they leave for school. take pictures of them in their classroom, them with their backpacks, them with their friends. they may look at you like you are the most embarrassing person on the planet but you'll be glad you have them. whether they admit it or not, your kids will feel special as you commemorate each passing year in this way.

i'm sure there are some amazing, creative people out there with even more outstanding ideas to share. please, let us know what has worked for you. we're all in this together...and first days can't be avoided, no matter how much we'd love to keep our babies small.